It is often said that George Bernard Shaw described the UK and US as two countries divided by the same language. After many a hesitation while trying to translate Scots speak into American English, I’ve begun to understand what Shaw might have meant.

Here’s a few words and phrases to support my point:

• “Oh you look smart” a Scot might say. Much to my chagrin, such a comment refers not to one’s intellect, but how well one is dressed. “Smart” clothes mean dressy, good-looking, or stylish clothes.

• Fraser sometimes seems like he’s from another century, so when I first heard him use the word “outwith” I thought it was just a Fraser-ism. But no. “Outwith” comes up in speech fairly often. I take it to mean not having to do with the things here, things outside, apart or away. Strange.

• “Do you have a family?” The correct answer is “no.” Megan and I do not have “a family” because we do not have children. Having “a family” means one has children. I don’t think this one sends the best message, but nobody asked me.

• “That’s you.” “That’s us.” “That’s me.” These phrases are used when something that was being waiting on becomes complete. For example, if you’re waiting in a queue (a line) and fail to notice your turn is up, the person behind you might say, “That’s you.” Or if a waiter brings your food to you–at a casual restaurant–she might ask, “That’s you then?”

• A church example. Worship does not include announcements, or notices, but “intimations.” To some ears, “intimations” perhaps sounds proper, important, weighty. To me “intimations” sounds rather haughty, old-school, and dusty.

And not specifically related, but along the same lines. Why when given tea and biscuits (“cookies” in America) do Scots rarely if ever also offer a napkin? What, pray tell, is a visiting young minister supposed to do with messy hands while wearing a smart suit and explaining he doesn’t have a family. Lick them? Sometimes I wish I could just intimate: “To all outwith: when serving the assistant minister crumbly cookies or melty chocolate, offer a napkin for goodness sake!”