Not a gay old time
Shockingly offensive conversation with suit store guy in Tallahassee
Setting: the counter of S&K Men’s Warehouse after purchasing a greatly reduced winter sports-coat
Guy: So you headed back to Scotland soon then?
Me: Yes. Early next week.
Guy: So where you staying over there?
Me: A town called Ayr, not to far from Glasgow.
Guy: Oh, I’ve been to Glasgow. Yeah, I’ve traveled around Scotland and Ireland and France. Didn’t like France though.
Me: Oh, why’s that?
Guy: It was dirty, and folks weren’t real nice, and, to tell you the truth, too many fucking gays.
Me: Well how bout that. [thinking: what the hell is happening here. Can’t I just buy my sports-coat in peace without testing my pastoral skills.] You know, there’s plenty “gays” in other countries too.
Guy: Yeah, I guess that’s right, but in France they just seemed to be much more in your face. What you do alone is your own business, but don’t be bothering me with it.
Me: [considering whether I should return the suit then and there or approach this as an opportunity for small steps.] Yes sir. I hear you. But the world is full of all kind of folks and I think we should work on all getting along.
Guy: Yeah, I know what you mean. But they don’t have to be so public about it.
Me: Maybe that’s true, but I’m not sure it’s our place to judge. All right. Have a good new year.
Reflections:
- Um, did that just happen? Welcome back to the South. Do I look like the sort of guy who’d be up for a gay-bashing conversation?
- A really tough call: whether reacting strongly, returning the sports-coat, and complaining to the supervisor is more productive than calming suggesting another way forward.
- What if I were gay?
- A reminder of the sort of abuse our glbt sisters and brothers daily face.
What should I have said? What would you have done? Have you been in a similar situation?
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You should have told him that your husband would think you looked lovely in your new jacket!
That’s hilarious and awful both at once.
See you soon, Katie xxx
My husband and I used to pastor a small home church, and we had a conversation similar to that one night during church. (we only had 4 families) And these were Christians, and we don’t live in the south;-)
Hmmm … you could have told him you just assumed he was gay because he was working in the fashion industry. Then you could have asked him whether he got just a little curious when he was fitting men in their suits. A little tug here and a little tug there … you know what I mean.
A homophobe in the men’s clothing business? Maybe he needs to consider a new line of work. Something with a little more protection from the diversity of the world.
I think you did fine with your thoughtful, yet insightful, challenges to his improper imposition of his own views on the customers of S&K.
I think you handled it admirably in the moment. I do think a follow up letter to the supervisor would also be an option. “I was quite disappointed in the prejudices hurled at me by your salesman….yada…yada…yada…. unless some employee sensitivity training occurs, I will not return to your store for my sartorial needs and I will recommend that my friends frequent more tolerant establishments as well…”
I’ve had this sort of encounter so many times with numerous issues. In each case, the person had what we might call a conservative or liberal viewpoint. And they seem to assume that you’re with them, obviously. You wonder if this guy is even aware that there are people out there who differ with him on this. Surely he knows that.