Comments on: Grave truth

By: Harper

Harper — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 14:30:51 +0000

The “best” graveside service I ever attended was Jewish. Although the deceased was a wealthy man he was buried in a simple pine box like everyone else in his congregation. He was lowered into the grave by synagogue members and we all took a shovel full of earth to cover him. If Jewish congregations can have their funerals done this way in the States, I don’t see why others cannot if we insist.

By: Luther Berntson

Luther Berntson — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 04:14:33 +0000

Adam, This triggered many memories of burials at our church Cemetary right next to our farm in ND. I was sexton for many years and my father before that. Back in the my early years the pall bearers lowered the casket just as you did. Often times in place of soggy soil we stood on frozern clumps. The neigbors had dug through the frozen soil the day before with pick axes and shovels and the mouners were were clad in sheepskin over coats. As for me I want the committal service to be first and then and then a celebration of life and the resurrection. It is also the custom in the funeral sevice bulletin to state that the final resting place is such and such cemetary. Not with me, I will be long gone, and resting in our Eternal Home.
Comment by Luther—April 18,2008

By: Martha

Martha — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 20:05:15 +0000

My husband referred to his body after death as “leftovers” and had no requests for disposal of the ashes. My children were not helpful, so with the assistance of a dear friend, about a third of the ashes were deposited in a much loved spot, the lake at Montreat. Others were dropped into the Gulf of Mexico at another friend’s cottage, this time with my children participating. Nothing fills the void in the heart.

By: George

George — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 19:23:07 +0000

When my mother died, she donated her remains to medical research. Since my father survived her, none of us felt comfortable about making inquiries to the university hospital. When my father passed, I contacted the hospital and to my surprise, I learned that they had saved her ashes. So 7 years after her death, we gathered in the cemetery and placed her ashes adjacent to our dad. I dug the shallow hole with the concurrence of the cemetery officials, and we had a small private ceremony.

By: ggarrett

ggarrett — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 04:56:54 +0000

Adam-

Good stuff. This reminds me a bit of some of Thomas Lynch’s writing about his work as funeral director (he’s also a writer and poet) on the importance of acknowledging–as opposed to ignoring or delegating to machines–the actual body. If we have a resurrection hope, it’s attached to a body.

Thanks for your story.

Greg

By: adamjcopeland

adamjcopeland — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 12:25:44 +0000

Not sure about other places, but families who opt for cremation in Ayr are given several options: a plaque, ashes strew witnessed unwitnessed, ashes in a garden, I think there’s also tree options as well–as w/ any business, there’s a fair amount of consumer choice in Ayr at least. I do wonder, though, what markers remain of cremations of years past.

By: AJWC

AJWC — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 12:04:25 +0000

My only real memory of funerals in Scotland is very different. All my grandparents’ funerals and then my father’s service were many years ago in the local crematorium. During the final hymn of a short service the coffin, which had been lying in front of the congregation, disappeared on mechanical rollers. A sliding door at the back wall of the little chapel then closed, and I think there was a curtain of some sort that fell in front of the wall. It was hard not to look up at the smoking crematorium chimney when leaving in the chauffer driven car to go for cups of tea with family and friends. I certainly understand the good sense of cremation in a small, crowded island country but these services were lacking for me as a mourner. I still don’t know what tangible markers there are in the crematorium for these loved ones…. a name in a book, a plaque on the wall? I need to find out.

By: calisnenath

calisnenath — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 19:16:41 +0000

Sorry but you guys seem to live in another world from me – automated coffin lowering machines.

In the UK when my mother died several years ago church members carried the coffin out of church and although the undertakers arranged the coffin by the grave family members lowered it in. Similarly at my wife’s grandmothers funeral I helped to carry the coffin from the church into the church graveyard and then helped to lower it into the grave.

I don’t think these experiences were unusual and an important part of the ceremony for the mourners. The act of laying the person down to rest was very significant in saying goodbye properly. I would not wish to loose this.

By: johnhamilton

johnhamilton — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 20:25:00 +0000

Powerful. I’m grateful this soul did not die utterly alone.

By: real live preacher

real live preacher — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:30:46 +0000

Wow, what a rare and beautiful story. We’ve lost a lot by automating this last duty. I’m going to feature this at CCblogs.org today.