Guilty when gone
I’m Presbyterian. I do guilt well, maybe too well. So boy do I feel guilty when I’m out of town and away from my local pastoral responsibilities. I can be gone for different reasons — vacation, continuing education, larger church service, even a mission trip — but I always manage to feel uncomfortable and, well guilty, for being away.
This does not make much sense, I grant you, since being away actually makes me a better pastor. But, I’m willing to bet, I’m not the only pastor who feels torn when making arrangements to be away.
Next week, for instance, I’m gone for a mission trip. I’m taking two youth from our congregation to Philadelphia to meet up with some other youth at one of the absolute top mission experiences in my denomination. It’s awesome that youth from our congregation are getting to go, and I’m very happy to lead them. But, somehow, strangely, even though I’ll be working 24 hours-a-day for 7 days, I still think of all the pastor-type things I could be doing were I not going.
Maybe the guilt is helpful somehow, since it points to the fact that were I in town, there are relationships I’d foster, visits I’d complete, local ministry I’d accomplish. I definitely feel like there’s plenty for me to do when I’m around town.
I also wonder how the guilt might dissipate were I not in a solo pastor position, or even if there were other mainline pastors in town who could easily cover me while away. Certainly there are benefits to multiple pastors on staff, and sister churches nearby with pastor positions filled.
Sure, I remind myself of all that which I know to be true: I’d be a crappy pastor if I didn’t take breaks, broader service to the denomination is an essential part of my call, I’m totally replaceable, we always manage fine when I’m gone and it’s not about me in the first place. This helps a bit, but not completely.
As it is, I think realizing I have a problem is a helpful first step. So l live into the tension of needing to be away because it’s what best for all parties and knowing that, when away, there’s just some things that don’t get done. I mean, I’m Presbyterian after all. Guilt is good, right?
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Maybe the guilt exposes our hubris. The idea that things can’t go on without us. The mistaken notion that we are essential for the work of the church to happen.
That’s why I continue to take every moment of my vacation, study leave, etc–to battle the ego that tells me I’m indispensable.
My congregation does manage to get by just fine when I’m gone. And I am definitely a better pastor upon my return. Have fun in Philly!
Yep. I hear ya.
While hubris is one possibility, I think there is also a recognition that some folks expect us to be there 24/7.
I just wrestled through this leaving the morning after a death in the church and being away a week. It was mostly internal wrestling… the family was most understanding! In fact – horror of initial horrors – I had already selected the Matthew text “follow me… and let the dead bury their own dead.” It all worked out, but there was more than a little guilt to wade through.
Thanks, both. I think you’re both right and that’s helpful. I really do think it might be easier were I in a context in which there were retired pastors available to cover, or colleagues in town who could help out. Even so, that’s not a worthwhile excuse.
then, of course, are the folks who are royally p–ssed when you are gone and can’t attend to their every whim. But that is another blog post!
Guilt is in the Presbyterian genes definitely… I have guilt even when I am not away – especially about visiting people, I expect all solo pastors have this problem, I never feel I visit enough and am always scrambling to find time for visits other than to the sick or in relation to funerals. And as Robert says there is always that pang when a church member dies just as you are going away somewhere.
But we need to learn to live with the guilt feelings as we need our holidays – and some quiet spaces in weeks when funerals are relentless – otherwise we will not be at our best for our congregations or for our families.
Enjoy your trip and greetings from a damp Ayrshire
I had a few thoughts on guilt after seeing the movie, “Inception” which you can find here
http://pv1stup.blogspot.com/2010/07/inception-of-guilt.html
Also had even more thoughts in a sermon given a couple of weeks ago which if you have the time and inclination you can find an audio file here http://www.1stupresbynv.org/mp%203%2007%2025%2010.MP3
Bottom line, while guilt is a powerful motivator used even in congregations all the time, ultimately being motivated by guilt and shame instead of grace and gratitude works against the new life God intends for us.
Appreciated your thoughts on the topic.
Philadelphia. . . . I suppose you are hanging out on Broad Street with those wonderful people. No wonder Erika has not gotten back about the September Presbytery meeting, you are keeping her real busy.
Have a great week!
How long are you there for or were there for?
Hope you enjoy our lovely summer weather.