Comments on: Guilty when gone

By: Bob Miller

Bob Miller — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 14:17:21 +0000

Philadelphia. . . . I suppose you are hanging out on Broad Street with those wonderful people. No wonder Erika has not gotten back about the September Presbytery meeting, you are keeping her real busy.
Have a great week!
How long are you there for or were there for?
Hope you enjoy our lovely summer weather.

By: Vern

Vern — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 18:04:49 +0000

I had a few thoughts on guilt after seeing the movie, “Inception” which you can find here
http://pv1stup.blogspot.com/2010/07/inception-of-guilt.html

Also had even more thoughts in a sermon given a couple of weeks ago which if you have the time and inclination you can find an audio file here http://www.1stupresbynv.org/mp%203%2007%2025%2010.MP3

Bottom line, while guilt is a powerful motivator used even in congregations all the time, ultimately being motivated by guilt and shame instead of grace and gratitude works against the new life God intends for us.

Appreciated your thoughts on the topic.

By: Dorothy Grangr

Dorothy Grangr — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 09:11:10 +0000

Guilt is in the Presbyterian genes definitely… I have guilt even when I am not away – especially about visiting people, I expect all solo pastors have this problem, I never feel I visit enough and am always scrambling to find time for visits other than to the sick or in relation to funerals. And as Robert says there is always that pang when a church member dies just as you are going away somewhere.

But we need to learn to live with the guilt feelings as we need our holidays – and some quiet spaces in weeks when funerals are relentless – otherwise we will not be at our best for our congregations or for our families.

Enjoy your trip and greetings from a damp Ayrshire

By: Kerri Peterson-Davis

Kerri Peterson-Davis — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 04:12:43 +0000

then, of course, are the folks who are royally p–ssed when you are gone and can’t attend to their every whim. But that is another blog post!

By: Adam J. Copeland

Adam J. Copeland — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:51:02 +0000

Thanks, both. I think you’re both right and that’s helpful. I really do think it might be easier were I in a context in which there were retired pastors available to cover, or colleagues in town who could help out. Even so, that’s not a worthwhile excuse.

By: robert austell

robert austell — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 15:14:17 +0000

Yep. I hear ya.

While hubris is one possibility, I think there is also a recognition that some folks expect us to be there 24/7.

I just wrestled through this leaving the morning after a death in the church and being away a week. It was mostly internal wrestling… the family was most understanding! In fact – horror of initial horrors – I had already selected the Matthew text “follow me… and let the dead bury their own dead.” It all worked out, but there was more than a little guilt to wade through.

By: Marci Glass

Marci Glass — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 15:07:57 +0000

Maybe the guilt exposes our hubris. The idea that things can’t go on without us. The mistaken notion that we are essential for the work of the church to happen.
That’s why I continue to take every moment of my vacation, study leave, etc–to battle the ego that tells me I’m indispensable.
My congregation does manage to get by just fine when I’m gone. And I am definitely a better pastor upon my return. Have fun in Philly!