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The totally unromantic but wholly appropriate symbol for our marriage

Posted on August 24, 2011 by Adam J. Copeland

I don’t often blog on personal relationship issues, but preparing to celebrate five years of marriage will make a guy reflective. Recently I’ve been pondering: this marriage thing is pretty spiffy, so how do I sum it up? And for some reason I’ve kept coming back to a central symbol in Megan’s and my relationship. But it’s not the symbol you might expect. It is not a wedding ring or love poem or romantic picture of a heart. It’s our kitchen table.

Our kitchen table is where our marriage happens. OK, obviously, it happens elsewhere most of the time, but the kitchen table is the place where we make our marriage work well everywhere else. It’s where we talk pretty much every night — about our day, about our plans for the future, about our feelings, and struggles, and joys.

At the kitchen table, we laugh and cry. We pray. And, of course, we eat.

Megan and I were both lucky enough to be raised in kitchen-table-eating families, and it’s one of the hallmarks of intentionality in our relationship. When we sit at the table, we’re there to enjoy each other’s company over a delicious meal (usually delicious, at least). So we also make choices about what doesn’t happen at supper time.

While we eat our evening meal, there is no T.V. on in the background. We do not listen to music. Our phones are in another room, and its very rare for us to take a call during supper. We do not text during meals. We do not surf the web. We don’t even read — except at breakfast, of course, when it’s the most polite thing to do because I cannot string a sentence together before my morning coffee. At supper (or Megan might call it “dinner”) we turn off distractions so we can connect with one another.

Now I’m not saying our relationship is some model of perfection. But that’s exactly why we eat so intentionally. Because we’re not perfect we’ve got to catch up with what’s going on with each other and watch out for what’s coming.

Yes we’ll eat out from time to time. Sometimes we have work or school commitments and can’t eat together. And by the way, it’s not as if eating without distractions at the kitchen table is some radical idea we came up with ourselves. But, we’ve found, for us it works.

So, five years into our marriage, our simple kitchen table is the symbol to mark our anniversary. And for us, at least, a saying rings true: a couple who eats together, stays together.

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Never Kill A Question

Posted on August 17, 2011 by Adam J. Copeland

A Thoughtful Christian.com Post

The young adult emergent ministry I lead takes a different sort of approach to event planning than the approach of most congregations. From our inception, the bias of our leadership was not to jump to planning activities and events because, well, there’s plenty of churches in Fargo-Moorhead that lack young adults. “Why guess what young adults might want and guess wrong again?” our ministry’s board members figured.

So instead, using a community organizing approach, the ministry is committed to meeting with young adults and asking them what their values, needs, questions, and hopes are. Then, only when we know real live 20-30 somethings who aren’t currently connected to a faith community, we plan events.

Out of these conversations with young adults has come a consistent refrain: they want places where young adults can ask real questions about faith, forums that are open, supportive, open-minded, and don’t immediately jump to the “official” answer as if that solves all.

Out of these yearnings, we’ve developed Theology Pub, a bi-weekly discussion at a bar. In a society where sex, politics, and religion are still difficult to talk about (not just snicker about, but really disect) in diverse public settings, at Theology Pub we make a space for open discussions of faith and religion. With the help of a small group, I come up with the topic for the night and publicize it beforehand. I bring to the evening a discussion sheetfor everyone with some quotations on the topic, as well as some questions, and then whoever shows up goes to it. It’s heavenly to see.

I consistently get two comments from young adults about the events, one explicit and one implicit.

Explicitly, they really like the diversity of opinions of the folks who show up. This week, for example, we had several devout Roman Catholics, an Atheist, several Unitarian Universalists, a few Lutherans (including pastors), a Pentecostal, and several whose faith resisted any labels. The diversity of the group assures that there will be plenty of questions and disagreement. And we love it.

Implicitly, in my conversations with folks before and after Theology Pub, I find that they assume (and I’m going to say “rightly so” in most cases) that the institutional church down the block is not a place where they can go to find a forum to ask their questions. Few churches provide open spaces for theological dialogue. Events like Sunday School tend to be about teaching a specific lesson to a group of insiders rather than providing a space for outsiders to consider what they might believe.

Of course, this brings up the important question I ask myself daily: how do I balance providing an open space for questioning with teaching what the Lutheran Church (ELCA) believes?

I continue to wrestle with this one, in more ways than I can account for in a blog post. But I keep coming back to the point that having opportunities for faith-filled conversation, for places to ask tough questions, is a vital ministry in and of itself. Surely there’s room for more, but starting with the questions isn’t a bad place to start. After all, it’s where we meet many young adults.

A pastor friend passed along this powerful poem last week that beautifully describes our approach. May it bless you as it did me.

Never kill a question;
it is a fragile thing.
A good question deserves to live.
One doesn’t so much answer it as converse with it,
Or, better yet, one lives with it.
Great questions are the permanent
and blessed guests of the mind.
But the greatest questions of all are those which build bridges to the heart,
addressing the whole person.
No answer should be designed to kill the question.
When one is too dogmatic or too sure,
one shows disrespect for truth and the question that points toward it.
Beyond my answer there is always more,
more light waiting to break in,
and waves of inexhaustible meaning
ready to break against wisdom’s widening shore.
Wherever there is a question,   LET IT LIVE!
-a poem by Gerhard Frost found in his book, “Bless My Growing”

image by Mauro Sakamoto

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A simple way to help a brother out…

Posted on August 11, 2011 by Adam J. Copeland

Well, he happens to be my brother, actually. Ian, a recent Oberlin College and Conservatory grad is about to start on an exciting new venture as a music teacher in Lake Village, Arkansas. He’s there through the auspices of Teach for America, “a national teacher corps of recent college graduates who commit two years to teach and to effect change in under-resourced urban and rural public.” Lake Village is a lovely place, but as he says, the social and economic circumstances that belie my students’ lives predispose them to schools and classrooms that are underfunded, sparsely furnished, and test-driven.”

Ian’s middle school classroom has bare walls. Today he launched a DonorsChoice.org campaign to raise a mere $273 to purchase posters for the classroom walls. You can help. It’s simple. Takes 2 minutes.

Click on the screenshot below to donate. If you can’t do that, “like” this post or share it in a way to help garner a few more readers. Thanks.

Update: goal reached in six hours. Amazing. Many thanks all!

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HolyCity Debuts in F-M. What Just Happened?

Posted on August 10, 2011 by Adam J. Copeland

Cross-posted from The Project F-M
this is a post describing our first worship experience called HolyCity.


Last Sunday The Project F-M curated our first HolyCity event. Beforehand we were pretty sly about what exactly the event would look like. Partly, this was because we hadn’t planned it yet and didn’t really know what would happen, but mainly it’s just because HolyCity is so difficult to describe.

If we called it, “worship” people would get a certain idea that wouldn’t be right. If we called it, “scriptural meditations in a park” people wouldn’t know either (and they might freak out). So, we called it “HolyCity” and used some fun descriptors, hoping people’s curiosity and open-mindedness would bring them out.

Now that we’ve debuted and plan to hold other HolyCity events in the future, I’ll describe  what happened last Sunday.

Gathering
We met in a park in Moorhead with picnic tables and green areas for different prayer stations. It was a beautiful day and folks mingled for a time and got to know one another better. We then gathered in a circle and responded to a question about a time when folks felt God’s presence or absence.

Word
I introduced Psalm 85:8-13 (which was the “Lectionary Psalm” for the day, meaning thousands of Christians around the world read that psalm that day in worship). We talked a bit about the context of the writing of the text, and we read the passage out loud. Everyone had a printout of the passage, and we shared out-loud phrases that intrigued us. Then we introduced the prayer stations and folks had 25 minutes or so to experience the stations, each of which had instructions.

Psalm 85:8-13

8  Let me hear what God the Lord will speak, for he will speak peace to his people, to his faithful, to those who turn to him in their hearts.   9  Surely his salvation is at hand for those who fear him, that his glory may dwell in our land.  10  Steadfast love and faithfulness will meet; righteousness and peace will kiss each other.  11  Faithfulness will spring up from the ground, and righteousness will look down from the sky.  12  The Lord will give what is good, and our land will yield its increase.  13  Righteousness will go before him, and will make a path for his steps.

Prayer stations included:

  •     Listening to the NPR hourly news summary on iPod or iPad, stopping the newscast at points, and praying “Lord draw near…”
  •     Drumming Psalm 85
  •     Writing local elected officials considering the psalm’s phrase, “Steadfast love and faithfulness will meet, righteousness and peace will kiss each other”
  •     Creative artistic response with drawing materials
  •     Examen Prayer (ancient/modern way of meditative prayer)
  •     Goggling Psalm 85 on a MacBook
  •     Writing or drawing comments on a poster board on which the whole psalm was written

After time at the stations, we all came together and shared our experiences, read the psalm together again, and then transitioned into communion.

Thanksgiving

I had never led communion before in a public park (nor while thinking in the back of my head, “I hope this goes quickly so the bratwursts on the grill don’t burn!). We remembered Jesus’ first celebration in the upper room in Jerusalem, prayed for the Spirit’s action and the world, and received the holy meal. It was informal, camp-like, and for me at least, powerful. At the end I said, “One meal has ended, and another begins.” We then enjoyed a cookout and potluck.

So that’s a quick description of the first ever Fargo-Moorhead HolyCity — God’s people gathering together, thinking praying laughing eating and creating together, and being sent to look for God’s work in our lives and in our city. It was a modest affair, but a holy one too.

 

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What’s the big deal about Rick Perry’s Prayer Rally?

Posted on August 8, 2011 by Adam J. Copeland

The news coverage was pretty huge beforehand. Commentators rattled on re the appropriateness of Gov. Rick Perry’s Houston prayer rally, The Response. Sure, I read the articles and took in the ruckus. Afterwards, I dutifully read the follow-up and even watched a video Rick Perry’s full remarks. Sarah Posner, as usual, has some of the most thorough religion coverage at Religion Dispatches, but after all the words I’m just left shrugging my shoulders and thinking, “So what?”

As far as I can tell, The Response served as exhibit one in America’s strange religion and political pairing. For me, it didn’t raise any particularly interesting or new issues more than it proved, once again, that we have a long way to go in both our politics and our faithfulness.

Here’s my takeaways:

  • Rick Perry ruined Michelle Bachmann’s weekend. His rally was attended by 30,000 folks — more than any rally by a declared Presidential candidate — and he successfully put his big boot down on Bachmann’s rise to claim the voters of the Christian right.
  • There’s nothing wrong with prayer and fasting, but I get a bit queasy when it’s government officials asking me to do it. Apparently, just like Presidential Prayer Breakfasts (one of which I’ve attended at the White House), such requests are allowed in our political system because they are an invitation to prayer rather than a requirement to participate. But all such invites just don’t sit well with me, no matter which political party is behind them. Call me a Constitutional establishment clause fundamentalist, but I really do think it’s beneficial to church and state not to blur the line on such issues.
  • Perry’s actual remarks were pretty bland. I guess this was probably smart on his part, but it was almost a letdown after all the fuss. It was neither a true political speech nor a sermon, just sort of “riffs on why we need a prayer rally.” That’s fine. Point taken. Though I did appreciate the fact that he did not steal the show.
  • In this country, social conservatism still has a lot to do with conservative evangelical Christianity. Or it’s really the other way around: conservative evangelical Christianity still plays big league Republican politics. The rally, in many ways such as through its funders, political speakers, and religious speakers showed this once again. But so what? We knew this already. The rally was another flashpoint, but broke little new ground.
  • The rally was decidedly not inter-faith nor welcoming of non-Christians, (let alone welcoming of progressive Christians) but again, is this really a surprise? Welcoming prayer leaders of other faiths just doesn’t fit with the worldview (and theology) of those organizing the rally. Sure, it probably slightly increased the suspicion of people of other faiths with an extreme exclusivist theology of Jesus and salvation, but this is not news.
  • Finally, the rally showed Christian right — in Texas of all places — is not dead. If the governor makes the call, he can turn out  30,000 folks for a prayer rally. OK, this is noteworthy but again, far from shocking. I mean, it’s Texas! If anything, I’d say 30,000 is small fish.

People in the know seem pretty certain Gov. Perry will enter the Republican Presidential nomination race soon. I say, “Welcome” when he does. (Though my fellow Minnesotan Rep. Bachmann will say something else, I wager.) And Perry, Bachmann, and others will probably continue exemplifying this strange unsettling mix of Jesus wrapped in the stars and stripes. That will be that. It’s fascinating, but it’s nothing particularly new. And I’ll pray, as always, for my country.

image by Jeroen van de Sande

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Reworking, Reconsidering, & Re-doing Young Adult Ministry

Posted on August 3, 2011 by Adam J. Copeland

Also posted at Gathering Voices

I just got in from a lovely block party celebrating National Night Out Block Party Night. At the party several friendly folks asked, “So, what do you do?” I always hesitate a bit when I get that question these days. It’s complicated.

I see myself as part pastor, part faith based community organizer, part event planner, and part sojourner. To answer folks, “I’m starting a new church” is way too simplistic and misleading, since The Project F-M has never really conceived of itself as a traditional church — it’s in response (or reaction) to the traditional church, actually.

Last week I attended the ELCA Mission Developers Conference in Newark, NJ. The conference is held twice a year for new Mission Developers, to help orient them on how the ELCA does mission development (roughly equivalent to “church planting” in other denominations). The conference has a great value in connecting developers to learn from one another, and presenters set some theological framework for starting new faith communities. While much at the conference was plenty good stuff, I struggled at many points thinking, “But this just won’t work with young adults.”

I really appreciated Lara’s thoughtful post yesterday, “What Do We Do With Young Adults?” It gets at some of the contextual challenges of church for folks in their 20s and 30s. And it has me thinking, if I were king of the world and arranging a mission development conference focused on emerging young adult faith communities, what questions and issues would I be sure to tackle?

  • Spiritual but not religious - this phrase is used by many of the young adults with whom I speak in one-to-ones. It’s a great phrase because it describes for so many their discomfort with the church. It’s really helpful. I like it. But it’s not particularly descriptive. I’d love to tackle, in a group setting that accepts this phrase as positive (or at least benign), all the facets of its meaning.
  • What about the aversion to worship? A lot of the 20-30 somethings I chat with are very spiritual, think about faith often, seek community gatherings, but are really hesitant to be connected to anything called “worship.” I have my theories, but I’d love to hear what the experts think about this, and if it’s an across-the-board phenomenon.
  • What’s the right balance between making space that’s open to everyone’s questions and making a space that communicates (broadly speaking) what the Church believes? Pretty self-explanatory. The folks I connect with really want a place to tackle tricky theological issues. But they want a place to ask questions, not be spoon-fed answers. I’d love to hear how other mission developers walk this line — or where they cross it.
  • Please don’t emphasize congregational sustainability, stewardship, or looking like the model of churches that have existed for 100 years. This model of a church with 150 members, a 100K annual budget, and shiny building is just dandy for many, but it’s not the mindset of most young adult focused churches I know. The problem is that we know how to pull that traditional one off, but other models are trickier. Thinking outside the box is difficult, and I’d love the opportunity to honestly talk numbers with other emergent mission developers without the assumptions of traditional models.
  • How can the unique gifts of young adults these days be put to use for new ways of ministry? I feel like much of the literature around young adults and the church these days is about how young adults are different than other generations. That’s great. It’s certainly true. But most of what I read gets stuck in explaining how, even though things are different, we don’t have to lament. Little I’ve read takes the approach of truly rejoicing in what this generation has to offer the church. How would our conversations look be different if we said, “God has blessed us with a generation that does not accept the B.S. of previous models. Hallelujah! Thanks be to God. Now what?”

If you were planning or going to attend a mission development conference on young adult ministry, what would you hope to tackle?

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Extra, Extra, Read All About It

Posted on July 30, 2011 by Adam J. Copeland

The Fargo newspaper, the Fargo Forum, featured The Project F-M‘s ministry Theology Pub in today’s paper. The headline reads, “Holy happy hour: Project F-M reaches out to young adults to discuss spiritual issues” and boy is it a joy to see well-written local religion coverage. John Lamb’s reporting was thorough, thoughtful, inquisitive, and fair. Also, he made the initial contact for the article which I appreciated rather than us trying to sell ourselves.

I’ll respect the Forum’s advertisers and send you there for the whole article, but here’s the start.

MOORHEAD – The next generation of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America could be taking shape in an unlikely spot – the dark basement of a Moorhead bar.

The wood walls may make the Hunt Club – the lower level of Usher’s House – dim, but the conversation at Theology Pub is bright.

Twice a month, participants gather there to discuss issues of spirituality and faith over a drink and some snacks.

The meetings – the next of which is 7 p.m. Monday – are part of Project F-M, a new sort of ministry funded by the Eastern North Dakota and Northwestern Minnesota synods of the ELCA.

The goal of Project F-M is not to convert people to Christianity as much as it is to engage those who don’t go to church but have a sense of faith or are curious about spirituality in a discussion.

[article continues here]

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